Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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