i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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