My nipple is on Facebook.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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