Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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