I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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