I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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