Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
