yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
