1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
