just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
