There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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