I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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