oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
