Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
