this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
