oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
