Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
