my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
