R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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