Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
