Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then my night got REAL pukey
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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