I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
