shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
