I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
