ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
