Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
