he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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