I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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