The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
