There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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