The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm going to jail i love you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
