Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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