I think my vagina is haunted
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
