I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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