when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize