dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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