I feel great
I just peed on a car
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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