You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
