Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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