I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
