I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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