I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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