I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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