if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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