My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
