it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
