First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
