is your mom at the bar?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
