Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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