The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
