It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
