This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
