i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Send help, water and tortillas.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
