Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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