I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
