Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
