If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
