Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
