I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
