yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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