you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
